Damnit

Well... Nikki's baby girl Aamiyah Lynne Rose was born this am at 21 weeks, 10 oz, 9 inches. She didn't make it. I prayed and prayed and prayed for both of them. A lot of people did. She still hasn't told anyone except for her family. She's in the hosp right this second facing this with her family. I don't care if she knows that I know or not, I'm still praying for her. It's just so awful. I hate that she's feeling and going to continue to feel this pain we all know so well. She's so young too, only 21 yrs old. Not that any age is an ok age to face this. I wish babies didn't die. I wish this pain wasn't real to anyone. I'm so so so so sorry to all of you that have felt this. It's just awful.

Grace's due date is still coming up. I suppose it's been coming up since the day she was conceived. It's just that it's THIS month now. 6*25*10. I would have been uncomfortably pregnant right now and ready at any time for her. I would have been so close to having that unimaginable moment where they lay the crying baby on my chest while I smile in amazement. It's never going to happen for her and I. At least not here on earth. I'm never ever ever going to feel her on my chest wriggling around and cooing. I'm feeling especially whiny today. I know she's always with me, both in my heart and on my dresser. But ...

it's

just

not

enough.

Nothing really new to say about it though. I don't feel like
I need to repeat myself over and over again. You all understand.. you all know my pain. My grief is still here... it's nothing new.

Nikki Update

Thanks for all of the prayers everyone! Nikki was actualy discharged! Her ultrasound came back ok and they sent her home on bedrest until delievery. Her fluids isn't 100% but are suprisingly high for as much leaking as she has had. With bedrest we are hoping to keep baby in until it's further along. She will have weekly ultrasounds to monitor fluid levels and she will get steriods in 5 weeks (at 24 weeks). Again, thank you all for the prayers for Nikki and baby. Please continue to pray for them. Oh, and PS- it's a GIRL! Nikki is going to name her Amaiyah.

Prayer Request

Why can't pregnancy always end up in a healthy baby in our arms?

 I've never asked for a prayer from blog world before but everyone please please please pray for my friend Brooke's best friend, Nikki and her unborn baby.

(Brooke on the Left, Nikki on the Right)

 She is 19 weeks along (due in oct) and she is leaking amniotic fluid. She is in the hospital on bedrest now. She is bleeding and and also has a short cervix. She doesn't want anyone to know about it yet, but It'd be wonderful if you could all pray for her and her little baby. She  doesn't know anything about this baby lost world and of course, I prefer it stay that way. This is her first baby and she doesn't know what she is having yet. The father of the baby is not supportive but she does have a supportive network of family and friends. She doesn't even know that I know about what is going on. Please don't say anything on my facebook. I just want so bad for everything to be ok for her and baby. She is going to have a level II ultrasound tomorrow (well I guess today now since it's past midnight) to eval baby and fluid levels. I hope and pray that baby will be OK and Nikki can stay on bedrest until at least 24 weeks.

 Please

 please

please

 everyone pray with us?